“aki” (秋) means autumn, “kotov” means cat/cats

scent: the woods, coffee

inventory/what's in aki's bag (large black cross-body bag w/ lots of pockets/compartments): hair brush, hair ties, cigarettes, vintage lighter, swiss army knife, first aid kit, mini sewing kit, sketchbook, pencil case, "wallet" (cash held together by a hair tie and coins in a ziploc bag), nail file, cat treats, manga/book

sleep habits:

sleeps on his side

chronic insomnia; sleeps an average of 4-5 hours every day and is never able to sleep for more than 2-3 hours straight; sometimes hallucinates due to lack of sleep

very erratic/unpredictable sleep schedule; sometimes falls asleep at night and sometimes in the middle of the day; doesn't really properly "sleep" as much as he just takes 1-2 naps every day

very light sleeper and wakes up at the slightest noise

tosses and turns and moves around a lot in his sleep

always tired but never sleepy and relies on caffeine to function

frequently has very vivid dreams/nightmares and lucid dreams; often wakes up in a cold sweat and/or with a headache

body language:

horrible posture, always slouching; when he does straighten up to stretch every once in a while his spine cracks like a glow stick

when sitting at a desk, tends to lean forward over whatever he's working on (shrimp posture)

often defaults to a protective stance/posture, with his hands/arms in front of him, shoulders pointed inward, legs/feet close together, not directly facing the person he's talking to, etc (esp. when uncomfortable/anxious)

almost never makes eye contact (if he does it's only for a second or two) and rarely looks at people or faces them when he's talking to them, but does keep his eyes on the body of the person he's talking to, watching their movements

stands either with his arms straight down at his sides (not in pockets) or scratching at his hands/arms with his nails (nervous habit)

stands/sits very symmetrically without crossing legs, leaning to one side etc

very stiff, always clenching jaw, shoulders, etc

very good at sitting/standing still for long periods of time and can easily go hours without moving much

walks very lightly and quietly and often accidentally sneaks up on people

moves around kinda like a stiff old man; takes him a few moments to go from sitting to standing (esp. after sitting for a long time) and often has to grab on to something to help him get up

moves slowly in general and doesn't make any sudden movements

face is not expressive at all other than sometimes eyebrows

doesn't gesture/move his hands at all when talking

birthday is the autumn equinox (usually falls on/around september 22)

left handed

has really bad handwriting

red-green colorblind (protanopia)

draws mostly in pencil/ink/b&w (bc colorblind)

body temp is cold and his hands are always cold to touch

expresses affection almost exclusively through gift-giving, favors, or other nonverbal actions

swears a lot

only uses japanese neutral personal pronoun (私), neutral/non-gendered speech patterns and generally speaks very plainly with not a lot of use of flairs or inflections

hypermobile/hyperflexible; can pop his shoulder out of its socket on command

anemic

gets nosebleeds often

has hand tremors; his hands are always shaking

has that gene that makes you sneeze when you look at the sun

has sneezing fits; if he sneezes once he sneezes like five times

wears socks 24/7

knows how to make lots of different origami bugs

has unusually high pain tolerance/threshold and fails to notice injuries sometimes

lives under a rock; doesn't know any celebrities, barely consumes any media (movies, tv shows etc) and is generally unaware of/doesn't understand pop culture. the only movies he's seen are 70s/80s blockbusters (star wars, jaws etc) and ones about space or aliens

grew up somewhat poor; very frugal about money and hates spending it unnecessarily

hates wasting food and will eat something even if he doesn't like it if it means not letting it go to waste; at the same time, he has a rather weak/small stomach and gets nauseous very easily

taught himself how to sew (sewed the patches on his jeans himself using scrap fabric); prefers to mend his clothes rather than buy new ones and has held onto the same clothes and shoes for years; does not own many articles of clothes and tends to wear the same things over and over again; most of his clothes have holes/signs of wear and tear/places where he's mended them and his converse are being held together by duct tape and superglue and prayers

spent most of his childhood at the library or exploring/hunting in the woods around his house and often skipped class to do either of these things for the whole day

has a weak immune system and gets sick very often; struggles gaining weight or muscle and is physically very weak; has bad lungs bc of contracting pneumonia when he was young

had really poor attendance in school due to being sick very often and skipping class; enjoys learning things but not in a classroom setting and lacked the motivation or support to actually apply himself at school so his grades were mediocre at best and he got held back a year in high school

has a slightly crooked left pinky finger from when he broke it and it didn't heal correctly; also fractured his left ankle and it also didn't heal correctly so sometimes he gets random pain in that ankle and it hurts if he walks on it for too long

never holds mugs by the handle, only by the mug/cup part

has a very sensitive sense of smell to the point where certain scents will make him feel sick or nauseous

has good aim (ex. darts, shooting, archery)

sunburns very easily

afraid of large bodies of water (ex. oceans, pools) and is claustrophobic

doesn't know how to swim

loves bugs and always catches them and releases them outside instead of killing them; gets a little sad whenever he accidentally steps on a bug; can look at almost any bug and name its species/genus and a fun fact about it; favorite arthropod (bug) of all time is tarantulas and he wants a pet tarantula so bad

drinks a lot of coffee but isn't a coffee snob and actually knows almost nothing about coffee; drinks coffee just for the caffeine and doesn't really care about the taste; only drinks cheap instant black coffee with no milk/creamer and doesn't like buying coffee from coffee shops bc he thinks it's too expensive

not necessarily a germaphobe but likes to clean things and keep them clean; dislikes messy environments and will automatically start organizing things if they're disorganized

has various memory problems/amnesia and dissociative amnesia; large chunks of memory from his childhood/teenage years are missing or vague, sometimes wakes up from a dream/nightmare and has no memory of the hours before he fell asleep, etc

“haru” (春) means spring, “himawari” (日廻) means sunflower

scent: vanilla, flowers

inventory/what's in haru's bag (canvas tote bag w/ teddy bear keychain): journal, pen, lip gloss, hair comb, hand mirror, hand fan, wallet, book, lighter, mini umbrella, candy bar, his glasses that he never wears, sunglasses, a bunch of old receipts/wrappers/paper clips/rubber bands/loose change etc all at the bottom

sleep habits:

can fall asleep in almost any position but usually sleeps on his stomach or back

usually goes to bed between midnight and 2am and sleeps an average of 6-7 hours per night if he has work/class the next day but can (and will) keep sleeping for forever if nothing wakes him up; sometimes if he has a free day he just sleeps for like 16 hours straight

very deep sleeper; needs like 100 alarms to wake up and often oversleeps

sleeps like a brick and doesn't move much in his sleep

doesn't dream very often but when he does he writes them down in his journal as soon as he wakes up before he forgets the dream

often accidentally falls asleep in places other than his bed, ex. at his desk, on the train, during class etc; has fallen asleep on the train and missed his stop so many times

takes naps whenever he can

drools probably

body language:

average posture, not too slouchy but also not too straight

gangly w/ long arms and legs so no matter how he stands he always looks kinda awkward; doesn't know what to do with his hands and is always fidgeting with something/moving them around

often puts one or both hands on his hips (dad pose) or crosses his arms

always pushing his hair back out of his face

gestures with his hands sometimes

can make eye contact but it doesn't come naturally to him so when he's talking to someone he often awkwardly briefly looks away (esp. if the eye contact goes on for too long)

almost always crosses legs when sitting, partly because his legs are really long and sitting without them crossed looks and feels kinda awkward; also loves to lean back in the chair and cross his arms and legs; often does so without thinking and falls out of the chair if the chair doesn't have a back

struggles sitting/standing still and changes positions every few minutes

often rests his head on his hand when working at a desk

tilts his head like a dog when he's confused or trying to focus

fidgets by clicking a pen over and over or by tapping his finger/foot; picks at his nail polish; often hums to himself

uncoordinated and spatially unaware so often bumps into things, trips on his own feet, stubs his toe, hits his head on the door frame, etc

very expressive and often makes facial expressions without realizing it; when he's focusing really hard he sticks his tongue out a little

walks very quickly (partially bc he's always late, partially bc he has a long stride and just naturally walks fast) to the point where other people (aki) often have trouble keeping up with him

birthday is the spring equinox (usually falls on/around march 20)

very used to warm/humid weather; body temp is warm

good at cooking/baking

afraid of bugs, heights, and needles (and being alone but we already went over that)

because of his phobia of being alone, he often spends lots of time at coffee shops, internet cafes, libraries etc

has very low spice/pain tolerance

huge crybaby; cries at minor inconveniences, cries when he gets any kind of injury no matter how small, cries when someone yells at him, cries when he doesn't understand his homework, sometimes cries randomly for seemingly no reason

played volleyball in high school and still plays casually

drives an old beige moped that he got secondhand

often hits the top of head on the doorframe when he enters a room bc some doors in japan are only 6 feet tall and he forgets to duck. has the soul of a 5'6 person trapped in a 6'1 body

very food-motivated; loves sweets and pastries and sugary drinks and has to buy himself a little treat almost every day

lactose intolerant but he dgaf and eats dairy anyway

bad at managing money and often makes unnecessary impulse purchases

calls everyone babe, darling, honey, etc

mainly plays guitar, keyboard and drums but can play almost any instrument that you put in front of him; also very good at harmonica

is slightly nearsighted and has glasses but doesn't wear them 90% of the time

often stands with his hands on his hips and crosses his legs when he's sitting down

chronically late; bad at time management; very disorganized and forgetful

likes to accessorize his outfits; always wearing earrings and necklaces

has a habit of rolling his sleeves up to the elbow whenever he wears long sleeves (doesn't like the feeling of fabric touching his hands/wrists)

keeps a journal and uses it to write down anything and everything (diary entry, dream log, shopping list, recipes, lyrics, suicide note draft etc). all his journals are in horrible condition (spine bound by duct tape, pages falling out, coffee stains etc)

uses a mix of masculine and feminine japanese speech patterns/flairs (ex. uses the masculine pronoun 僕(boku) or 俺(ore) but ends his sentences with the feminine flair の or わ)

plays dance dance revolution like his life depends on it. probably in the world's top 100 ddr players

goes to pottery class on weekends

collects candles but not on purpose. every time he passes the candle isle in a store he just has to buy a candle. he cannot resist the temptation. his desk is covered in half-burned candles

gets attached to inanimate objects and struggles throwing things away; has boxes full of random stuff from his childhood and high school years that he doesn't need anymore but can't bring himself to throw away; has lots of stuffed animals and trinkets that he is very attached to

has astronomically bad luck; minor and major inconveniences are constantly happening to him; he's walking on the sidewalk after it just rained and a huge car drives by and splashes puddle water all over him, his apartment gets a ceiling leak and water gets all over his homework and ruins it, he trips and drops his iced coffee immediately after buying it, he steps into freshly poured concrete, his alarm clock stops working in the middle of the night and he oversleeps on the day he has an exam, his pottery explodes in the kiln, his guitar string breaks in the middle of a show, etc. his life is an exercise in misery. no matter how bad your day is just remember haru is having a worse one

"luna" means moon

scent: cinnamon, brown sugar

inventory/what's in luna's bag (patchwork cross-body bag): basic flip phone that sol got her (she doesn't use it bc she's scared of it), noise canceling headphones, book, portable painting set, canvas sketchbook

sleep habits:

sleeps on her side in fetal position

very sensitive sleeper; can't sleep unless the room is the right temperature, the mattress is the right softness, the sheets are clean, she's in her pajamas, her hair is in a bonnet, it's completely silent etc

afraid of the dark and has to sleep with a nightlight; gets very scared and can't sleep if she hears a noise in the middle of the night

doesn't like staying up super late bc she gets scared; always in bed by 11pm at the latest

always reads before going to sleep

body language:

always worried about having "bad" posture or looking slouchy so her posture is usually perfect, sometimes to the point it looks stiff and forced

stands very straight and symmetrically with feet very close together

eyes always darting around nervously

hands are always either clasped together in front of her or behind her back

tries to sit/stand still but gets antsy after a while and ends up fidgeting a little bit; fidgets with her bracelets/rings

never crosses legs while sitting

likes sitting mermaid style on the floor

walks lightly and quietly bc she's scared of making too much noise

not very expressive other than resting worried face <:|

has really poor vision in human form

very easily impressed by technology but also kinda scared of it

paints with oil paints and mostly does landscapes, still lifes and portraits

very squeamish and faints at the sight of blood

afraid of the dark and thunder

plays the harp

has synesthesia

has very sensitive ears/hearing (came down from space where sound doesn't travel and everything is super quiet)

very picky eater

blushes very easily

nickname is lulu

"solis" means sun; full name is solis but everyone just calls her sol

scent: fresh moss, citrus, fruit snacks

inventory/what's in sol's bag (clear iridescent children's school backpack w/ fish keychain): duct tape wallet, ipod nano, wired headphones, hot pink sparkly flip phone w/ tons of stickers and phone charms, cool rocks, 1 gallon water bottle, fruit snacks, granola bars, spiral notebook w/ rainbow leopard print front cover, fish pencil case (contents: glitter ink pen w/ a pompom on the end of it, novelty erasers, sticky notes shaped like animals etc), gold star & smiley face sticker sheets, hello kitty bandaids, smashed pb&j sandwich in a ziploc bag all the way at the bottom

sleep habits:

sleeps splayed out on her back like a starfish

goes to bed at exactly 10pm and sleeps for exactly 8.5 hours every night; if she somehow misses her bedtime or something interrupts her 8.5 hours she gets very cranky and tired the next day

falls asleep within 3 seconds of closing her eyes

doesn't need an alarm to wake up, her body automatically wakes up after 8.5 hours; after she wakes up she immediately feels awake and refreshed and ready to start her day

sleep talks a little, usually random incoherent sentences or something about fish

takes turns sleeping with each of her stuffed animals so none of them feel lonely

sleeps in a stereotypical long nightgown and nightcap with a pompom on the end of it; sleeps under a weighted blanket with a white noise machine playing flowing water and nature sounds

dreams about fish

goes honk shooo honk shooo

body language:

ALWAYS moving. can NOT sit/stand still for even one second

never sits/stands symmetrically, always leaning to one side, swaying back and forth, crossing her legs while standing, etc

got told she doesn't make enough eye contact so she overcorrected and makes too much intense prolonged eye contact

doesn't understand the concept of personal space and often stands extremely close to the person she's talking to and if they move away she just moves closer again (oblivious)

very touchy and will grab people's shoulders, hands, hug them etc

loves observing/staring at people; if someone catches her staring at them she won't look away she'll just smile and wave and maybe give them a compliment

often stares off into space

leg bounce, bites nails, picks at cuticles, fidgets with her hair a lot; braids and unbraids it when she's nervous

talks with her hands; always making gestures that visually match what she's talking about (ex. if she's talking about typing she'll be typing on an imaginary keyboard with her hands); sometimes her gesturing gets so intense that she'll accidentally smack people in the face if they're too close to her; even does this while driving and will sometimes take both hands off the wheel just to dramatically gesture

cannot control/is not aware of her facial expressions at all; if she's trying really hard to suppress a laugh you can tell she's trying really hard to suppress a laugh bc her face will be all scrunched up and contorted

sits criss cross applesauce whether she's sitting on the floor, in a chair, on the couch etc

stomps when she walks. you can hear her coming from a mile away

doesn't have very long legs but walks with long strides so she walks surprisingly fast

makes lots of sudden movements/outbursts of expression; moves much faster than you would expect her to and sometimes she'll be standing right next to you and you look away for one second and when you look back suddenly she's on the other side of the room somehow

the only way i can describe her gender is she's just sol. sol is sol. she has never thought about her gender once in her life and doesn't know what a pronoun is. if you ask her what her pronouns are she would say "of course i'm pro-nouns!"

has a heavy australian accent

collects rocks, cool sticks, bottle caps, buttons, etc

extremely indecisive and often outsources her decision-making to random chance like flipping a coin or asking the magic 8 ball

really good at close-up magic

isn't stressed because she simply doesn't think about things that are stressful

incapable of telling a lie not because honesty is important to her (also true) but because lying has never even crossed her mind as an option (would be an awful liar anyway)

saved bo (the frog on her head) from being trapped under a log in the woods one day and bo followed her back home and when she tried to put him back in the forest he followed her back again so sol decided to just keep him. he goes with her everywhere and hates everyone indiscriminately except for sol. he can seemingly telepathically communicate but only with sol (and his messages are usually too cryptic for her to understand). he does not have the needs or desires of a normal frog (he will not eat any bugs, he only accepts medium rare steak and fresh fruit)

has a tshirt with her own drivers license photo printed on it

still has to do the L trick with her left hand to tell which is left and right

eats an apple every day (not to keep the doctor away, she just likes apples)

favorite holiday is valentine's day; even if you only knew her for one week during summer camp in middle school you're getting a handwritten valentine's day card from her and some candy

a huge advocate for library cards

has no concept of numbers larger than 100

forages a lot of her own food

drinks like 3 gallons of water a day

plays dnd every saturday

is forklift certified and has a welders certification

her eyebrows look like that because she plucked half of them off in middle school and they just never grew back

her hair grows unnaturally fast and is extraordinarily thick; if you shaved her bald it'd grow back half a centimeter within a day. experiments with her hair a lot and wears lots of different hairstyles and is very carefree when cutting/trimming it bc she knows it'll just grow back; has had almost every kind of hairstyle at some point including a bowl cut and a mullet and a mohawk

i draw her hair pink but she is functionally a redhead. this is just what redheads can look like in her universe. she would need extra anesthesia at the doctor

has all of the building instructions for the lego millennium falcon memorized

proud owner of several isopod colonies (her favorite morph is clown/montenegro/armadillidium klugii)

has over 1000 hours in american truck simulator

put a fishing minigame in a video game and she will play it. she will buy a video game just to play the fishing minigame. she'll probably play the fishing minigame more than the actual video game. she has a tier list of every fishing minigame in every game ever

can speak to fish (they just understand her)

owns at least a couple american flag tshirts/cargo shorts/baseball hats even though she's not american. she doesn't know how she got them they just showed up in her closet one day

knows how to make balloon animals

has a huge necktie collection; uses neckties as hairbands, belts, etc.

owns an entire period-accurate medieval armor set that she had custom made to fit her specifically

absolutely never wears full length pants. the longest pants she will wear is calf length but she prefers knee length or shorter. even in winter she will not wear full length pants (but she lives in australia so that usually isn't a problem). if she wears full length pants she will overheat and have sensory overload and DIE

is on level 4782 of candy crush and plays it every day

still believes in santa but more in like a cryptid kind of way and insists that all the mall santas are imposters. talks about him like he's bigfoot. she's afraid of him and doesn't trust him

is always on wikipedia. has like 17 wikipedia articles open on her phone/laptop at all times. when she's bored she doesn't scroll social media she reads wikipedia articles like it's the newspaper and clicks every blue link. has the wikipedia page for trout bookmarked on all her devices and every link is purple

loves hatsune miku but her favorite vocaloid is luka bc luka's character item is a tuna

goes on fishing trips and does minigolfing with akane

wants to visit every single aquarium in the world (has already visited every single aquarium in australia)

obsessed with 90s sketch comedy shows like mtv's the state and stella shorts (shoutout charlie)

uses object emojis to communicate things (ex. "does that sound good?" "🏏") (also cr to charlie for this one)

has dyslexia & dysgraphia

every single friday night she watches 1 episode of seinfeld. she will achieve this no matter what. she has watched the whole show multiple times over

has trouble pronouncing long words and often stutters/trips over her own words or slurs them together (her brain thinks faster than her mouth can move)

has a photorealistic tramp stamp tattoo of a jar of vegemite

there is not a single food or texture that she dislikes. she will eat anything

is mostly vegetarian (still eats meat but not often) (she just likes fruits and vegetables a lot)

afraid of dishwashers (doesn't trust them)

gets super attached to inanimate objects; believes everything has a soul

always wearing mismatched socks

avid roblox and minecraft player

owns a theremin and an omnichord

matches the color of her hair ties to the color of her crocs (she owns both in every color)

has a rubber band ball that she's been adding to since 3rd grade

owns a ton of band tees from random bands/artists she's never listened to; when asked to name 5 songs somehow she is able to (also cr to charlie <3)

has a nearly photographic memory but never for the important stuff (can remember what she had for breakfast on a random tuesday in february 5 years ago but not people's names or birthdays or deadlines)

always keeps a pen on her no matter what

can imitate animal sounds perfectly

has a twitter account with 17.2k followers that no one who knows her irl knows about, the username is sweatyballs724952, she uses twitter like it's a diary and just tweets her thoughts and people eat it up and every tweet goes semi-viral (she doesn't realize bc she has all notifications turned off)

plays the kalimba (thumb piano)

tends a small vegetable garden

gets extremely excited whenever she sees an unusually large vegetable (at the store or in her garden or otherwise)

has an entire drawer full of random sticker sheets; has a sheet of gold star stickers that she keeps on her and gives to people she likes

has a MILF 'man i love fishing' tshirt because she thinks MILF actually stands for man i love fishing

releases all the fish she catches (she just likes looking at them)

has broken her arm twice, in the same spot, doing the same thing, almost immediately after getting the cast off

has gotten her tongue stuck on a frozen metal pole by licking it like in movies

ate dirt and sand and food off the floor and licked handrails and probably other stuff as a child but has an impenetrable immune system now

listens to all her music on an ipod nano or CDs with her hello kitty CD player

loves physical media and has a huge CD collection

uses bing (not on purpose she just doesn't know how to change her default browser)

eats mayonnaise by the spoonful, eats strawberries whole and takes bites out of lemons

worked at an auto repair shop in high school and is really into car mods; drives a frankensteined green-volkswagen-buggy-in-the-front rusty-red-pickup-truck-in-the-back that she modded herself (its name is betsy aka the frankenwagen); the dashboard has a bunch of rubber duckies lined up by the windshield, the console is covered in stickers and paint marker doodles, the ceiling is covered in glow-in-the-dark star stickers, several fish decals on the bumper, has a bunch of stuff hanging from the rearview mirror like pink fuzzy dice, rainbow kandi necklace, fish charm, 3 different air fresheners etc; this is both her normal everyday car and the work car that she uses to haul stuff around her parents' ranch so the inside is pretty dirty, there's mud and dirt all over the floor mats, two by fours in the passenger seat, random equipment in the back etc

an awful driver; forgets to use her blinkers, makes sudden turns, slams the brakes etc but never speeds (always goes EXACTLY the speed limit); despite this she is very serious about seatbelts and will always make sure everyone in the car is wearing their seatbelt before she starts driving (she even has helmets in the back just in case the ride is extra bumpy) but she never charges gas money and will drive you anywhere no matter how long a drive it is; narrowly avoids getting in an accident almost every time she drives but has somehow never actually gotten in an accident; has definitely been pulled over at least a few times but every time her charm and whimsy sways the cop out of giving her a ticket and they let her go with a "well it was nice meeting you young lady! drive safe please!"; has absolutely zero road rage, even if someone cuts her off and slams their brakes in front of her and honks at her and flips her off she'll just be like "gee! they must be having a bad day!" and if someone gets out of their car and confronts her she'll just calmly talk them down and apologize for whatever she did and offer to buy them ice cream to make up for it and the other person will go back to their car with a pep in their step and a new outlook on life

was president of several clubs in high school and did almost every single extracurricular

was super popular in high school (the type of popular who was friends with everyone but no one knew she was friends with everyone but everyone knows her and loves her)

is a black belt in karate

has the sense of smell of a bloodhound and can smell waffles from a mile away like donkey

nickname is scooter

“akane” (茜) means dark red/crimson

sleep habits:

only sleeps recreationally (her body doesn't need to sleep)

when she does sleep she hibernates for weeks or months at a time like a bear

sleeps flat on her back wit her arms crossed over her chest like she's in a coffin and when she wakes up she sits straight up and lightning strikes and an organ plays

body language:

unnaturally perfect posture

moves uncannily smoothly sort of like an animated character; movements are exaggerated and unnatural

her devil tail moves like a cat's tail

makes extremely intense direct eye contact and doesn't blink; will not look away even if you look away

often leans in and gets really physically close to the person she's talking to (trying to make them intimidated/uncomfortable)

either stomps and makes tons of noise when she walks or is completely dead silent

speedwalks everywhere like she's in a rush

never enters a room quietly except for when she's trying to be sneaky; swings doors open with so much force that they hit the wall and slams them shut so hard that the room shakes and the door frame cracks and particles fall from the ceiling

always leaning on things (american lean)

can often be seen pointing and yelling at people

can pick any lock with just a bobbypin

fluent in every single language; speaks english in a boston accent

boston is her hometown (not literally since she is an interdimensional being of unknown origin but she's spent the longest amount of time there and speaks with a boston accent and if you ask her where she's from she'll say boston. like when she first spawned into existence the first place in the whole multiverse she decided to go to was boston massachusetts and that's why she's like that. she's like a local legend there. the cryptid of boston)

has perpetual beef with new york city and all new yorkers. is pro-9/11 not bc she sides with the terrorists but bc she hates new york

you know those tiktoks of extremely stereotypical over-the-top american things, done ironically, like a huge monster truck with american flags all over it and the audio is the national anthem with bald eagle noises etc. that's akane. she's extremely patriotic but only ironically. she's american for the bit. she does not know what the fuck a kilometer is

hijacks planes not to commit acts of terrorism but just to land the plane in the middle of nowhere like the gobi desert or some shit and teleport away and leave all the passengers stranded there

is slightly radioactive. if you brought a geiger counter near her it would start beeping

walks around with a bluetooth speaker playing obnoxious music at the loudest volume; watches tiktoks in public spaces at max volume without headphones

knocks over kids' sandcastles at the beach

has gone through many different names/aliases/pseudonyms, "akane" being the current one; changes identities/personas every few millennias or so

tells people her last name is gaylord

homophobic (for the bit)

laughs like a hyena

steals glasses off peoples faces

can smoke an entire cigarette in 3 seconds

blows cigarette smoke in babies' faces

has completely incomprehensible and contradictory political beliefs; puts herself on ballots and only votes for herself in elections

can draw super hyperrealistically and is a better artist than any master that has ever lived but chooses to draw exclusively in the family guy art style

dislikes using guns as a weapon bc she thinks they're too easy; prefers melee weapons, blunt force objects, hand-to-hand combat etc; for the same reason she opts not to teleport somewhere if she can break in instead; enjoys making things harder for herself on purpose despite all her powers bc she likes the challenge

plays the banjo on random peoples' patios at 3am

eats completely burnt/blackened toast

can make a gravity bong out of anything

periodically breaks into peoples houses and eats all their snacks and pours their milk down the sink and moves their furniture slightly so they stub their toes

submits crazy made up stories to celebrity gossip pages

has graduated harvard, stanford, yale, etc several times each and is infamous among the other immortals there but in like a "ugh it's akane again" kind of way. her presence is felt the moment she steps onto campus

jack of all trades and master of all because she's had enough time to become extremely skilled at virtually everything

has no internal organs; only eats recreationally so her stomach is just a black hole where all the food she eats gets destroyed instantly

has had almost every possible occupation/job at some point, a masters in all possible majors, and like 3 dozen PhDs

"akane brief stint as a stripper but her stomach would open five nights at freddy's style and eat everyone there" -charlie

uses a flip phone just so she can dramatically snap it shut after ending a phone call. the flip phone is hot pink and sparkly and has lots of little stickers and phone charms on it. also owns several burner phones for various purposes

doesn't believe in money and refuses to make any monetary transactions whatsoever. if she wants something she just steals it. has wealth not in money but instead in the sheer amount of things she has collected/stolen over the years. she has items in her house that are worth millions and collectively all her stuff probably totals to hundreds of millions of dollars in monetary value but she does not care about that and does not have even a penny to her name in actual cash

if she wants a coffee or something from a shop she just walks behind the counter and makes it herself or grabs a random drink from the mobile orders area

loves coming up with new and interesting ways to insult people and never uses the same insult twice

stands still in public restrooms long enough for the automatic motion-sensing lights to turn off and doesn't move until the next person enters the bathroom and the lights turn on

can make a baby or young child start crying just by looking at it

routinely hacks those highway/road maintenance screen signs to make them say things like "DOODOO FART" "HUGE PENIS AHEAD" "DETOUR: YOUR MOM" etc

has rabies and bites people to give them rabies

has a million tiny pockets on the inside of her jacket like drug dealers in cartoons; items in her pockets include: an ancient roman empire coin, a 12-sided dice, the aforementioned burner phones, a cinderblock, one of those pink pens with the pompom/feathers on the end of it, novelty erasers, an abacus, a silver dollar coin with her face and name minted on it, etc. the pockets are seemingly able to fit more stuff than they should, like mary poppin's bag

pretends not to understand modern technology and pop culture; says things like "kids these days" and "because of woke"

reads the newspaper every morning in an ancient leather reclining chair while smoking a comically large cigar

gets away with murder in increasingly ridiculous ways just to outdo herself

is besties with the grim reaper. they have tea together every sunday

goes onto knitting/crochet forums just to start insane knitting/crochet discourse and drama

goes on fishing trips and does minigolfing with sol (sol knows that there's definitely something up with akane and akane usually makes up some elaborate lie to explain her evil antics and sol is just like "okay❤️ yay❤️" but sol isn't stupid and akane knows that she kinda knows and they're both just chill with it. sol is like a bug to her). their conversations are like half deep philosophical discussion about the meaning of life and true nature of the universe and other half "what is your opinion on the fall of the byzantine empire" and shit like that. when they go on fishing trips they pass the blunt every time one of them catches a fish. they also do knitting/crochet together and talk about the recent forum drama (that akane started) and akane is like "yeah that's crazy"

uses bing (on purpose)

steals elevators out of multistory buildings overnight

the only holiday she cares about is halloween (also her birthday) and takes it way too seriously. throws a HUGE halloween party at her house every year for immortals and other anomalous beings only. posts flyers and airs commercials all across the multiverse to advertise it. immortals everywhere dread october 1 because that's when the advertisements start and they are inescapable. the party is at her house and has hundreds of attendees. after the party is over her house looks like this

2nd favorite day of the year (after halloween) is april fools day

open-mouth coughs and sneezes on people

when she signs her name the "akane" part is in comic sans font and the "gaylord" part is in super cursivey, obnoxiously fancy handwriting

has a pet chihuahua named gaylord jr. it's one of those really angry chihuahuas and she carries it around under her arm like a purse. it is white with cloudy red eyes and froths at the mouth and has every disease. it does not age and can breathe fire. its vomit is heavily corrosive. she claims she found it on the side of the road and feeds it a diet of raw flesh and pigs blood. she takes it out for walks without a leash and lets it bite people. it eats couch foam and cement

lives in a huge house in the middle of nowhere that is full of all the stuff she has collected over the years. every room has a different ornate wallpaper, almost every inch of the walls are covered in framed paintings/shelves full of various items/other hanging decorations, furnished exclusively with vintage baroque furniture/antiques, chandeliers and candelabras and floating candles as light sources in every room, bookshelves and mysterious alien plants that never die in every corner, weird shower curtains, etc. every room is extremely maximalist and some rooms are so full of things it's hard to walk. the master bedroom looks like howl's room from howl's moving castle. there is not a single normal toilet in the entire house. there are at least 7 hidden bookshelf doors that lead to secret lairs. has framed photographs of her with weird al yankovic and snoop dogg and other celebrities in the foyer. the house seemingly doesn't obey euclidian geometry and is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside; rooms inexplicably change locations or disappear and reappear at random. the outside looks like gru's house from despicable me. it inexplicably changes locations every year, currently located in an uninhabited part of greenland. previous locations include: outback australia, siberia, antarctica, the boston suburbs, and ohio. the address number is 42069

has a comically large closet filled half with identical copies of her main outfit and other half with various weird/meme/novelty/high fashion clothing

stole the mona lisa and replaced it with a fake and keeps the real one on display in her house

drives a huge, lifted, monster truck-sized hearse with horns (on the roof above the windshield) and red flame decals. there are two american flags attached to the back. the passenger side is filled with empty cans of monster energy, cigarette butts and various fast food wrappers. the passenger side and back seats are filled with empty monster energy cans, alcohol bottles, cigarette butts, fast food wrappers and random junk. the trunk is mysteriously stained. the exhaust shoots flames and leaks blood. it does not require fuel and does not have an engine. the blinkers don't work but she never uses her blinkers anyway. it has no seatbelts or safety features. the headlights and taillights are blindingly bright neon red LEDs. the rear view window and bumper are almost entirely covered in satire bumper stickers like "HONK IF YOU LOVE WEED", "please pardon my erratic driving i'm loading my gun", "warning: does not play well with liberals", "i am currently on the run from the feds" etc. her license plate is FUCKYOU (not a registered license plate). it is obnoxiously loud and she drives it through suburban neighborhoods from 11pm-4am. like her and her house, it has anomalous behaviors and pops up in seemingly random places/whenever she happens to need it

drives like she's 5 stars wanted in gta and makes it a goal to cause an accident every time she drives; has crazy road rage; flips off everyone who passes her, pulls a gun on anyone who flips her off, yells at people for obeying traffic laws, yells at people for disobeying traffic laws etc

doesn't even try to hide the fact that she is an immortal shapeshifting dimension hopper, everyone thinks she's just a chuunibyou or is really into LARPing

if you hold a crucifix up to her she cowers and shrieks (it doesn't actually hurt her she just does it for the bit); she also dissolves in holy water (voluntarily) (for the bit)

bo is the result of a petty skirmish she had with another god/interdimensional being who she turned into a frog and dumped in some random universe. several centuries later he was found trapped under a log by sol and named bo

evades taxes but also has no legal established identity or citizenship anywhere so they can't really tax her but she somehow does it anyway

ambidextrous

handwriting is a perfect replica of the comic sans font